I missed it. I knew I missed it while I was missing it. Ashley and I spent last Saturday wandering around Walmart. As I pulled in the parking lot I looked around not to park next to a hoopdy mobile, I didn't want my precious car to get a door ding or broken into *JUDGEMENT*. We walked in and I held my purse close and my daughter in my sights and close at hand. I stood in the customer service line internally rolling my eyes at the employees who didn't speak much English; "if they are going to work here; they need to speak English..." *JUDGEMENT* I eyed up the other shoppers in front of me and walking through the door. "nice outfit, cheap purse, could have brushed your hair...and teeth, must have to shop here...." *JUDGEMENT* all little things running through my mind as I waited. I returned my item and we wandered the store to pass the time. We perused the clearance merchandise only to find "toilet skins" like a skin for your cell phone but for your toilet seat. "OMG seriously who buys this stuff!" I thought to my self. *JUDGEMENT* I ruffled my brow, rolled my eyes. "Ugh, I hate this store." But we wandered anyway. We picked up a pair of shoes for Halloween, a few outfits for Ashley, Christmas pj's, hair bows and rubber bands. None of which we needed but wanted, I guess. Then we took our selves over to the toys. "Let's just check out what they have here" I told Ashley. She did not need ONE MORE THING. Not an outfit, a toy, a book. NOTHING. We passed by an aisle where I noticed a lady pulling change out of her pockets and making piles on an empty shelf. I paused. I knew what was going on....she had a basket full of things and she was trying to see how much money she had to pay for said items. Stunned, I made a loop and went down the other side to see this again. I froze. I stared. Thank God she didn't see me. *JUDGEMENT* OH HOW SAD. I kept moving. Mind shift..."is there anything else we need sweetheart?" I say to my daughter. We head out another $50 spent, er wasted. I got home and didn't give the lady counting change another thought.
Sunday at Church the service went something like this.... "Terminate prejudices in your life", "be an instrument, not a barrier of the Good News", "Don't allow comfort to limit God's plan". My head ached and my stomach churned. My eyes burned with tears. I had failed. I had missed an opportunity. In all my greed and selfishness I only worry/worried about myself. God stired my soul. I thought to myself "why didn't you go put back all the (stuff) in your cart you have no business buying and absolutely NO need for....why didn't you get this girl a gift card or cash. SHOW her God's grace and LOVE." I have more than I need, never enough that I greed. I prayed in this moment for God to stop me. Please don't let me miss another opportunity in my life. Our pastor said...."we are not responsible for everyone, just the people that God puts in our path" He was right. She was put in my path to help. I could have been an instrument to God's Good News; to God's love. I have prayed for this girl everyday since then. I think I will pray for her and others like her everyday forever. I feel my shortcoming. I feel all the weaknesses. I spend so much time convincing myself what a great person, how giving and kind I am. Maybe I am, when it's convenient. God has a way of opening our eyes with the sights and sounds of what shakes us to the core. He has a way of speaking to us as we need it. Thank God.