Soap box

Something is eating away at me. I didn't really know what it was until yesterday. Here it goes...I feel enormously guilty about not breastfeeding my kid. I shrugged it off.  Heartbroken as I was, it just was not meant to be. I have watched my one of my dearest BFF's  struggle with breastfeeding. She is determined like I have never seen before to make her body produce enough. She is hell bent that she is NOT going to feed her baby formula. Where was my fire when my daughter stopped cooperating? Where was my drive to produce when I was pumping less than one ounce? Now Ashley is 3 and a half months old and been strictly on formula for about a month and a half.  I got 2 months in doing both breast milk and formula.

So, yesterday at work, this nursing bit was eating away at me. I started researching BF (breast fed) babies vs. FF (Formula Fed) babies. The articles all read about the same. FF babies are heavier, longer, more prone to obesity, their immune systems are not as strong, etc... Great news *insert sarcasm here*. I had read this all before, only this time my heart ached and my stomach churned after each word. What a sucky mom I was, setting my kid up for failure before she even busted out the gates of life!!

THEN, to make matters worse, I stumbled on a blog. What a mistake. This was parents, both men and women going back and forth at each other about breastfeeding.  If you ever want a good physiological experiment read some of this. Women attacking each other, anonymously, over this message board, for example"BF is 95% effort and 5% nature", "there is NO such thing as a woman who "can't" produce enough milk", "if you aren't producing, you are trying", "you're just lazy"....I WAS APPALLED. I had always wondered when I saw the news reports of kids being bullied at school, "who are these kid's parents that allow these bullies to act this way?!" I just found their parents!!!! 

Here is my soap box...We live in America. This allows all of us the liberty of freedom of speech. I get and appreciate that. I don't believe that means we use that to harm others. I don't believe we need to exercise this right every chance we get just so our voice/opinion is heard.  As a society we thrive on gossip and trash TV & magazines. Believe me, I subscribe to the same tempts...I love to catch up on the Kardashian's of this world. But none if this gives me or anyone else the right to judge a mom, who is already self conscious enough, about whether she BF's or NOT!!

There were several entries from husbands and mom's about how they had tried laundry lists of recommendations to produce more BM with out success, cried for days, weeks, months at the "failure to produce". My heart ached for them. I understood so much of what they were saying.  My blood boiled as I read the comments back at them condemning their efforts as "not enough".

How dare they. I thought to myself "what a candid snapshot of America". There are bullies in our schools because there are bullies in this world, this "adult" world. Bullies that hide out under the anonymity of the internet where you can be called "kid200sunshine" and say anything you want with no consequence. The truth is, there is a devastating consequence. In stead of supporting each other, we are cutting each other. Women cutting other women where it hurts most, critiquing them as a Mom. There is nothing in life that will make you feel more vulnerable than having a kid.

My challenge to myself and all you moms and women out there: BE NICE. Be gentle with each other. Be kind with your words and choose them carefully. You don't have to be "right" all the time. Your way may not be the best way. We don't all know it all. Be supportive. Be SELF REFLECTIVE. Take a good hard look at yourself and your actions. Are you a nice person? are you sensitive to others? 

When you think about the kind of world you want your precious baby to grow up in...what do you see? are you an example of that? We are all doing the best we can, to be the best mommies we can be. We are held hostage to our own up bringing and our own defaults. That doesn't mean we can't get better. That doesn't mean we can't learn something new.

I will not be reading anymore message boards. I'm judging them...they are trash. Like mamas used to say...If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. What a great piece of advice.