December a great month for reflection: How I let go of fear and anxiety (Part 2 of 2)

I was asked: Why share such personal things?  The answer from where I am today is very simple.  Anxiety does not rule my life anymore so these experiences are almost like a movie I once saw rather than a reality for me.  When I was in the midst of anxiety, I couldn’t even say the word.  The few people that knew that I was going through this suggested that I go to a support group.  The thought of
sitting in a room hearing other people share their anxiety stories gave me more
anxiety.  I had enough with my own problems, I didn’t need to pick up more from others.  So, I know there are those out there who are going through what I went through.  My hope is that they will read this and if I can reach even one person and help them come through their suffering, then sharing very personal things will be worth it.  To me, this is no longer my story, but a story that wants to be told to help others.  That’s why I’m writing it.  

During the summer of 2010, I began to feel like I had my life back under control.  The anxiety was less and less and only seemed to arise when I was driving.  From the yoga nidra CDs, I had learned to identify the first sensation of anxiety, and rather than get caught up in the fear that anxiety is going to take over me, I would bring my attention to my big toe, breathe deeply and slowly while sensing  heat rising from my toe up my legs and throughout my body.  With this technique,
I learned to keep calm while driving and the amount of anxiety was greatly
reduced.  I didn’t realize then that I was practicing some pretty advanced meditation techniques.    

One day in yoga class, Brian, another one of the students, mentioned that a Guru was coming to visit the Hindu Temple, and I should check it out.   I didn’t know anything about Gurus.  Had seen some stuff about Gandhi, but otherwise, knew very little about India or the culture.   I was very left brained and as such
fascinated with the ancient Greeks and all of the logic of the western
world.   The only thing that I didn’t appreciate about the west was western medicine. It was failing me big time.  My doctor had not been able to identify why I was having these panic attacks and anxiety, and pills was all he had to offer.   So, I had already returned to a more natural and intuitive way of eating. 
Listening to my body, I stopped eating junk food and began feeding it more
fruits, vegetables and what I would consider almost a Mediterranean diet with
lots of hummus and pita bread, feta cheese, fruits, vegetables, olive oil, and chicken and  pasta.   

So back to the Guru.  Not sure what to expect, I signed up for his three day weekend yoga seminar at  the Hindu Temple.  It sounded interesting and I’m always open to learning new stuff.   When I got there, this older gentleman sat cross legged on a large cushion, chanting and playing the harmonium.   After chanting, he spoke for a while and then had a question-and-answer session.  One of his assistants, Chandrakan, guided us in a yoga session.  

At this point in my life, I had been working so hard at getting rid of the anxiety that I had managed to remove just about every burden, desire and attachment from myself.  I could watch life almost from a third person perspective with very
little affecting me.   I was starting to wonder if I had become too detached.   So
I mentioned this to him, when I had an opportunity to speak.  I just said: “I feel like nothing matters, like I could move and live under a tree and that would be OK with me.”  He looked at me with no judgment, no surprise, no reaction and simply said with his Indian accent:  “You are in transition.”   That was all.   OK, what did that mean?  I wasn’t sure.   For the first time ever, as I sit here and write, I realize that what drew me to him wasn’t his answer, but the fact that I asked a question and did not get a judgmental reply.  Before that moment, I had reached out to
others, but I was left with a sense of being  judged rather than being helped.  For
once, when I reached out, I didn’t feel judged.  

Another thing that stuck me was that everything he and his assistant Chandrakan were teaching was a reality already in my life.  They were teaching to watch the world around you almost as a third person, to notice the external world as you would look at a painting, rather than focus attention on any one thing.  This is called witness consciousness, from this way of looking at the world, we create detachment and from here we can let go of those emotions that jerk us around and take over our lives.   I was confused, here I’ve been fighting myself, my whole life and they were teaching people to be like me.  I had to learn more.  So, I bought two of his books, his chanting CD, and a 4 pack yoga nidra CD.  It is
said that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.  So the journey had just started again.  This time, I had a Guru and his name is Yogi Amrit Desai, also known as Gurudev.   

So, here I am at the end of 2011, reflecting back on my journey since I met Gurudev.   Since I met him, I let go of my need to control the outcome of things and to accept what is.  I no longer suffer from anxiety, I let go of lots of baggage from the past that was holding me back, and I learned to live in the present moment without expectations.  I got certified to teach yoga at the Amrit
Yoga Institute this past spring and I met lots of awesome people, all of whom I
love dearly.  I’ve also become more accepting of people just as they are, as I have become more accepting of myself, just as I am.   Some people who were a pain in the rear and were nothing but a drag on my life moved on.   There are 7 billion people on the planet, they don’t all have to be my friends, but we can all live in peace.  I’ve learned that you have to open up your world and clean up to make room in your life for those things that you want to arrive.  So, I am grateful for this amazing year for all the wonderful people in my life, those whom I met this
year, those whom are still in my life and those whom are just arriving.  Too much happened to write it all in one article, so instead, I will write about each aspect of it in detail in my future blogs.  

I will go further into how yoga helps anxiety and other conditions, helpful postures for stress relief, yogic teachings, meditation and Ayurveda, the sister science to yoga for healthy living.   I look forward to sharing my journey with you.  If you have any questions, you can find me on Facebook at “The Irreverent Yogi” feel free to post any questions there or send me a private message.  I welcome
your comments and ideas.    

If you are struggling with anxiety, here are some helpful tips:

1.  Ask your doctor to test you for hypothyroidism.   Many doctors overlook
this and often women— especially those in their 30s— begin to suffer from this
condition and anxiety is one of the symptoms.

2.Taking an Omega-3 fish oil supplement might help relieve some of the symptoms.

3. If a slow thyroid is making you sluggish, organic raw coconut oil will help give you energy.

4. Yoga is a wonderful way to deal with the symptoms of depression, anxiety, stress and so many other conditions.  You don’t have to do a lot, a little goes a
long way.  Find a yoga class in your area.   I teach yoga and guided
meditation, in group settings, to individuals and by appointment.  

5.  Check out my Facebook page at “The Irreverent
Yogi” and message me there. 

6.  If you are depressed, get active.  Walk, exercise, laugh.    Focus on the good things in your life if you can’t find any, go outside and watch the trees, the squirrels, the wind blowing on the leaves.  Life is beautiful and you are part of that beauty.  

Namaste!